This Guy Walked Into a Pub
by luvscharlie
Summary: When you need a quiet place to study, a pub really isn't your best option. Anthony/Lavender


_This Guy Walked Into A Pub… _by Luvscharlie

_Warnings: Language and an annoying barkeep_

_A/N: Originally written for the 2011 Inter_house fest for the prompt of "Ravenclaw Boy/Lavender Brown, the gossipy girl and the bookworm boy"_

Well, this was something new. Most men didn't bring books to a pub. Even stranger, he appeared to actually be annoyed at all the noise around him. At one point a thoroughly pissed man bumped him and made him lose his place, and Lavender thought Bookworm Boy might deck him one. He wasn't even drinking. That was bad for business.

She poured a firewhisky and plopped it down before him. "That'll be five Sickles."

The young man looked up at her from behind thick glasses with black rims. "I didn't order anything."

Lavender recognised him, she thought. He was from her year at Hogwarts. One of those Ravenclaw boys who used to hiss at her in the library to shush when she and Parvati were talking about the very serious topic of the size of Susan Bones's bum. I mean, seriously, it was gigantic. Such a petite girl to have an arse that rubbed both sides of the door when she entered a room. And that wasn't too much of an exaggeration. His name was Tony some kind of metal or other.

"You don't get to use up a barstool and not order anything. There are rules. Also, you need to tip fifty percent."

"Fifty percent? That's ridiculous! I demand to talk to your manager!"

He was kind of cute when he got all irate like that. Lavender smiled smugly. "I'll get her for you." She, looked up, looked down, looked behind her and gave herself a once over then smiled again. "What do you know? Here she is. I own the place. That'll be five Sickles now, or you can start a tab."

"Really, lady—"

"Lavender," she corrected.

"Whomever. I'm just looking for a place to revise. I have an exam in Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic tomorrow, and I either pass it or start over when the next group of recruits come in. If you don't mind, I'd like to just be left alone."

"Hmm, well they make libraries for revisions. This is a pub. Pub's are for drinking. So either buy a drink or go find a library."

The boy sighed and pushed his spectacles back up his nose, straightening them as his tongue shot out to lick across his lower lip. "There are no libraries that are open at this time of night."

"Then go back to your flat where you won't need to buy a drink to be allowed to stay… unlike in my pub, where occupying a barstool requires buying a drink."

"My flat. I wish I could go back to my flat. Unfortunately, my roommates are having a party that consists of loud music, half-dressed girls and all the firewhisky a bloke can drink. There will probably be a million regrets in the morning, and the only thing I'd really like to think about tomorrow is how to pass this exam, not whose underwear is on my bedpost."

"Spoken like someone without a chance in hell of getting laid tonight. Sounds like quite the party. My guess is they kicked you out because you were raining on it with your 'hold it down' attitude. Probably complained about the music volume or something equally old lady-like."

He snarled. She had hit a sore spot. "Did I give you some wrong impression that I wanted to have a conversation with you?" He raised up his book a bit to let her know that he really wanted to get back to his studying.

"No, you were pretty clear in your 'I'm too good to talk to you' demeanour. Now, give me my six Sickles and I'll leave you alone." Lavender put her hand on her hip and cocked her head.

"You said five Sickles just a minute ago!"

"That was when I didn't dislike you so much, Tony boy. With a sassy mouth and snotty attitude comes inflation."

"My friends call me Tony. You're not my friend. My name is Anthony."

She ignored him. Full of themselves individuals hated being ignored. Bar-keeping had certainly taught Lavender that. "Pay up, _Tony_, or get your bespectacled rear out of my pub. That spot is reserved for paying customers."

"Fine," said Anthony, digging into his pocket. He tossed six Sickles on the counter. She gave him a 'don't forget the tip' kind of look and he tossed out three more. "You're a real bitch, you know that?"

She leaned in and pinched his cheek. "You say the sweetest things. Be back with another drink for you in an hour."

"I don't want another drink!"

"Yeah, but there's a high rental rate on that barstool. The barkeep's a sexy wench." She winked.

Anthony groaned and buried his nose in his book… for all of ten minutes. And then, she was back, tapping her fingers annoyingly on the bar as she ranted. "I cannot even believe that girl has the nerve to come into my pub after the things she said about me to _The Quibbler_last month."

Anthony sighed and tried to ignore Lavender, bowing deeper over his book.

She wasn't much for being ignored.

"I mean, it's clear the girl has boob envy. She only wishes she had my perky tits. That's what her problem is. There are a dozen pubs in this town she could have gone to."

"Wish I had," Anthony muttered.

"No, seriously. Look at her!" Lavender grabbed his chin and forcibly turned his head. There were a group of girls at a table near the door.

"What exactly am I looking at?"

"Her. The bitch."

"Yeah, I got that much. Which young lady am I supposed to be looking at?"

Lavender snorted. "A lady. As if."

"A man then? I have difficulty believing a man wants your tits."

Her hands went to her hips and Anthony scooted his stool back from the bar a bit, to keep a safe distance from the balled fist on Lavender Brown's hip. "I'll have you know there are many men who _want_my tits."

"Um, sure. Yeah. Of course. They're great tits."

She went from angry to glowing in a matter of seconds. "You really think so? You're too sweet."

"Bipolar much?"

"Why do people keep asking me that?" Lavender shook her head and poured herself a drink.

"I can't imagine." Anthony rolled his eyes. "Now, I need to get back to my revision. Big exam tomorrow, remember?"

She didn't answer the question. "I swear I hate that Ginny Weasley. She's a slag. Probably done the whole Quidditch team. As big of an attention whore as that ridiculous brother of hers."

"Who? Ginny? Ginny's all right. She used to see one of my mates, Michael, and—"

He was cut off by Lavender's yanking his drink away and pointing towards the door. "Out!"

"Wait, I'm not allowed to disagree with you?"

"Of course not! This is my pub. Check your disagreements at the door." She turned up his drink and tossed it back.

"You drank my drink! I paid for that. I want my Sickles back."

Lavender looked at the glass in her hand and was a little surprised to find it was empty. "Oh." She poured another. "Here. I'll put this one on your tab."

"But, I paid for the other one. The one you drank."

"It was nice of you to buy me a drink that way. It's why I'm going to let you stay here in my pub for a while longer."

He sighed in resignation. "You're too kind."

"I know. It's a fatal flaw."

"And sarcasm is a lost art on you." Anthony rubbed his temple and set his book up on the bar so that he could sort of hide behind it.

"I can still see you, you know."

"I know. But does this in any way discourage conversation?"

"Not really, no." She sashayed over to another customer a couple of barstools away and poured him a drink.

"I was afraid of that," Anthony muttered. "I'm never going to pass the exam if you don't leave me alone."

Lavender poured another drink for Anthony next and motioned that he should pay up, despite the fact that his replacement drink was still untouched. "What's the exam for again?"

"For the fifteenth time, I'm trying to get a job in Magical Law Enforcement."

"Bo-ring."

"How would you know? Have you ever worked in Magical Law Enforcement? No, I don't think so." He answered his own question.

"Have you seen the robes they're required to wear? Yellow is seriously not my colour. And given your pasty skin, you might want to reconsider. It's not going to do anything for your complexion either."

"Are you always so shallow?"

"I'm having a good day." She looked over toward the door where Ginny Weasley sat with several other females. "Or I was, until she got here. Usually, I'm much shallower than this."

"Good to know."

Lavender nodded. "You know, with all this chattering you do, it's a wonder you ever get any studying done. You're never going to get the robes to make you look like a giant banana if you don't concentrate."

Anthony sighed and banged his head against the bar a couple of times.

"And really, for a Ravenclaw, you're not all that bright, so you might want to stop doing that. No need letting any brain cells escape, you know? You really need the ones you have."

"Merlin, I'm going home. This is not working out." Anthony grabbed his book and got down from the barstool.

Lavender ran to the back and grabbed her cloak, tossing the key to a fellow sitting at a table, who looked to be three sheets to the wind, admonishing him to lock up. "Oh good! I love a party. I'll come along. Boy, I didn't think you were ever going to leave. It's about time. I was being as annoying as possible, and still you just sat there. There's going to be attractive blokes there, right? I mean, you know, men who don't look like you."

"Well fuck," he said.


End file.
